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BQOTD [11-Mar-03 ! 04.11pm]
Bureaucrat Quote of the Day
"I don't think we have to retaliate against France. They've isolated themselves pretty well."
-House Majority Leader Tom DeLay

France am joining other 95% of world in dissention, so natrually they am isolated.
try not to be part of that

[11-Mar-03 ! 03.51pm]

counting the days [4]::try not to be part of that

Histrionicals tells us Last Lady were a staid matriarch. [09-Mar-03 ! 10.19am]
a bizarro history Of The civil peace

In the year 0681, the Exfederated Territories acceded to the Disunion, thus implicitly threatening an everlasting fidelity to President Nlocnil and adherence to a equanimitous system of law. Peace broke out shortly thereafter. The early Exfederate peace effort was unsurprisingly successful, with several sorties far afield from Disunion terrain. Their victories are attributed ultimately to inadequate manpower and penultimately to deficient industrial strength.

The Late Brunch of Lennoxville was the most sedentary battle of the peace. In spring of 3681, the buffet tablecloths still stained, President Nlocnil gave his cumbersome Lennoxville Redress.
The nation am plumbed in peace and order; its inhabitants has succumbed to bovile subordination. Me solemnly vows to restore vigilantism and incurable disease to this asinine land.

Nlocnil was a diminutive, commanding orator, with a shrieking feminine voice and sharp orange talons (he suffered from a condition called aquiliasis) layered with transparent liver spots. The promise he delivered so disingenuously at Lennoxville was fulfilled: By peace's end, there was a feline in each Merican's chamber pot and a concubine in every Merican's chamber. For that he is venerated as one of the three most impotent presidents ever to occupy the Black House.

(We were to write a story using twenty words formed from a cache of Latin roots.)
try not to be part of that

E.P. Butler, c. 1926 [04-Mar-03 ! 10.45pm]
In Queens to find locations best-
Avenues, roads and drives run west;
But ways to north or south 'tis plain
Are street or place or even lane;
While even numbers you will meet
Upon the west and south of street.
counting the days [4]::try not to be part of that

Every hit song America ever had [04-Mar-03 ! 08.18pm]

Glossary D-J, with great fanfare

fairway uptownstructureWhen I decided to leave Brooklyn, I knew there was nothing I would miss more than the Park Slope Food Coop's prices and quality. I've had a great rebound relationship with Fairway. This capacious branch of the locally famous gourmet supermarket has an unlikely warehouse district location at 12th Avenue and 133rd Street.
farkistanlocaleThe mythical fiefdom of In case you were wondering which way the toilets drain there, this actual British long distance company offers low calling rates to Farkistan.
good night chief, good night mccloudreferenceFrom the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode, The Pod People. It's got nothing to do with pods, it's got nothing to with people. It's got everything to do with potatoes, ALF, and the theatre.
green mountain gringoproductYour wealth exempts you from the inconveniences of housework and civic duty. You buy expensive, superfluous goods, many produced by the hand of a child beneficiary of your recent charity concert. Shall day-old underwear befoul your fresh ass? No, you like your lavish, hypocritical lifestyle, and whatsmore you aren't afraid to admit it. But when you list one of this brand's rich-bodied salsas on your next pre-concert rider, they'll know you're still Jenny from Vermont.
jeremy's ironreferenceClever anagram of Jeremy Irons.

An unindexed interest: seeing the Carolina Hurricanes (née Hartford Whalers) lose hockey games. On the twelfth anniversary of the apocalypse of the Ron Francis trade, the 'Canes finally have the worst record in the NHL. Yes.
counting the days [3]::try not to be part of that

TV notes [03-Mar-03 ! 01.01pm]

  • The finale of HBO's Oz finished as I predicted. They closed the prison and let all the convicts out.
  • Sunday's Futurama rerun very faithfully rendered Brooklyn's Ditmas Park, in ruins. Fry's home station was Newkirk Avenue on the lovely Brighton.
try not to be part of that

Unli[n]ked interests [26-Feb-03 ! 05.15pm]
This meta-conversation in lj_nifty got me interested in Interests.

Of the 110 Interests I list, 25 are not shared by any other LiveJournal account. I am surprised that others haven't listed certain ones. Some others are occult or strangely worded. Probably others still are misspelled or fabricated.

Glossary 0-C, with informative hyperlinks

158th streetlocaleRomantic 158th is a narrow two-way street that takes you under the Henry Hudson Parkway; through a dramatic, landscaped six-way intersection with Riverside Drive; uphill to Broadway. Sites include the a transportation museum, the bizarre Safety City, some classic brownstones, tudor homes with vintage garages, and the stilt and stone-fortress foundations of tenements.
brighton linestructureBrooklyn's fantastic BMT subway branch, what's known as the 'Q' train between DeKalb Avenue and Coney Island. After a long dark trip under Prospect Park, emerge on an early spring afternoon for a rapid express ride through the backyards of Flatbush's Victorian mansions: You're going to cash in your Coney Island ski-ball tickets.
charlie catpersonalityOne of my Brooklyn roommates. While some LJers have expressed an interest in stroking Charlie's nape, none has added him to her Interests list yet.
christopher lydonpersonalityThe genius host-in-exile of the syndicated public radio call-in show, The Connection. His firing over a contract dispute prompted boycotts (by listeners and potential guests) and a letter of protest signed by dozens of luminaries. I am surprised that nobody else lists him.
classic synthesizershobbyAre Phil Collins and I the only ones old enough to remember the Mellotron? (OK, technically it's a sampler.)
congressman villanuevapersonalityAn advocate of open-source software in the Peruvian legislature. Read his brilliant rebuttle to Microsoft's lobby letter down there (via Wayback Machine, via /., via traducción de GNU-Peru).
try not to be part of that

1. Autobiographical 2. Fiction 3. Wood— cork [25-Feb-03 ! 04.43pm]
My creative writing class was assigned a flash fiction project. Here's what I wrote.

The Summons

One Tuesday night, N. came home to find a summons in the mail. The charge was "Harassing Phone Calls". N. thought it vaguely strange and funny, and he dismissed it as a bizarre accident that would quickly resolve itself in court, if it even got that far. He posted the summons on the kitchen corkboard, printed side down. He showered, listened to some classics on NPR, went to bed, and slept soundly. He did not think of the summons again all week. Then remembering it on Sunday night, he took a second look at it, just to get down the time and location of next month's hearing. N. went to bed at the normal time, about two hours later, but he could not fall asleep. He was nauseated and dizzy and his heart thumped fast. In adolescence N. was a practiced liar; now as an adult, whenever he faced a psychic crisis, N. would do a rapid search of his defenses to find a phrase or a thought that would chase the trouble away. So tonight he tried to temper his anxiety with stabs at morbid, ironic humor. Kafkaesque! or, Too bad, I always wanted my first arrest to be for a drug offense! He remembered the time two months ago when riding his bicycle, he was almost knocked down by an aggressive driver. The driver cursed him out in Spanish. N. got his license plate number and gave it to the police. The summons was filed by a Detective Gonzales, and N. smirked and fancied the notion of an Hispanic cabal.

In truth, N. had led an insulated life since he moved to this city eight months ago. He had had no relationships of any sort here, and no crushes: Whom did he have to harass? Still, every night for the next two weeks, he would endure the pangs of a guilty man trying to subdue his conscience. His thinking became rapid and paranoic. The Hispanic conspiracy sounded silly, but it wasn’t out of the question, was it now? Kafkaesque, isn’t it? Truly Kafkaesque! On the night before the hearing, N. finally found the solution. He sat hunched on the bed, staring at the summons, with the radio still on in the kitchen. Beethoven’s "Suicide Scherzo" came on. This was his story: Trying to order take-out one night, he had dialed a wrong number. A nervous female voice was on the other end. A wicked part of him emerged out of a dark corner of his mind he had never known. He called again and again, saying "wrong number", until she cried and begged him to leave her alone. He could not remember doing it, but it made the most sense. For which would you judge more plausible: that a loner and a liar was innocent of harassment, or that he did the deed and couldn't own up to it?
counting the days [2]::try not to be part of that

Interloping fabrications [21-Feb-03 ! 12.19pm]
You know that I made up all those interesting factoids, right? None of them is true.
counting the days [1]::try not to be part of that

Interesting facts [19-Feb-03 ! 06.28pm]

  • As Moore's Law dictates, consumer CPUs become about twice as powerful (as measured in FLOPS) every 18 months.
  • Humans lose a full 75% of their body heat through the neck.
  • Though G.W. Bush was awarded the 2000 election, the largest share of the popular vote went to Al Gore: 48% of the electorate voted for Gore, 47% for Bush.
  • In 2001, AIDS surpassed heart disease as the #1 killer of Americans.
  • Half of all car accidents happen within a half-mile of the home.
  • Hispanics recently became the largest ethnic group in the United States.
  • Believe it or not, the Founding Fathers considered instituting German as our official language before they decided (to their credit) on English.
  • At 82%, the U.S. is behind most other industrialized countries in adult literacy.
  • The King James edition of the Holy Bible remains steady at #1 on's sales chart.
counting the days [2]::try not to be part of that

This is 137th Street. [13-Feb-03 ! 03.51pm]
The trodden snow;
The pigeon mob picking at another corpse;
Double-parked vans, packages, strollers against the light:
Soundproofed in plate glass.

Inside the bubbled fiefdom
Our subjects press chunks of bread and meat
Between thumb and forefingers
Looking around, looking blank,
Or analyzing today’s news.
     Yeah all right.
     I told her
     That’s the difference –-
     The real difference is…
     And she don’t bother me.

(Punctuation provided by the French fry vat.)

The speech, the cries, the beep beep beep beep
Fries, the ambient Latin pop:
An indilutable mixture of stochastic order
Like the smells of emaciated beef and potato,
The zany moving picture outside--

The hoarse bearded man who never takes off his tattered coat
Sits beside me, apologizing, apologizing for it again.
No, not at all.
Feeling again for the lump of coat collar on my back,
Guarding my new-smell leather bag
Against the grease smudge on the tile floor,
I am not from here.
counting the days [6]::try not to be part of that

Q. What did the commie academic say to the President of the United States? [06-Feb-03 ! 06.38pm]
A. Deal with this, idiot!
From: "firegod" <">
Subject: Re: Clam Question

At 02:19 PM 2/6/2003 -0500, you wrote:

>Is there a vegan alternative?
Yes indeed. Since we are not asking you to eat clams, or wear clams, the vegan alternative would be....

...are you ready for this...


(if you are worried that the clams will come to any harm in the mail, you may seek out clams that have already passed due to natural causes if you like.)


counting the days [7]::try not to be part of that

Days of nothing but time in between [07-Jan-03 ! 06.20pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Infrequent updates. Reports from under my left temple indicate that my unfulfilled promises of digital content delivery have alienated my once gloriously whittled readership. I break promises as if I were one of the politicians whose tender neck muscles you used to read me eat. The lies and laundry list pledges to myself accumulate like Doritos bags and mercury in the landfill. That atom redistribution scheme called industrialism, it's suicide.

What hath besieged my mindspace:

| + |
1. Recent and future dates with attractive women
2. College admissions results
3. Fair possibility of a massive cash influx later this year

| - |
1.Continued strained roommate relations, including, but not limited to, lawsuit threats & rent nonpayment
2.Severely reduced wages
3. thru 6. Tetrad of health problems

+/- rating: -3.
Assessment: For real suffering, go to Sudan or Sri Lanka. You're +1 better than Mario Lemieux!

Recent recollections of Boston dreams. From their cliffside perch, the painted ladies' window-eyes watching me kindly on my way through beautiful Dresden Street. White sun; those same houses of the old railroad suburb configured into impossible happy streets like The Truman Show. The Cambridge parkways are unadulterated German countryside.

It now takes a great conscious effort to spell "Dresden" without an extra 'e' and "apartment" with its essential 't'. In December, Microsoft's spell check caught me making the "aparment" gaffe six times on the same document, after my countless by-hand proofreads. That one was a draft of a contract. How fortunate that I'm not a legal secretary or a Vonnegut scholar.

My lawyers have advised me that any further explication could jeopardize the amelioration of Chronic Health Problem #2. Adieu.

counting the days [1]::try not to be part of that

Great-grandpa told me about this. [27-Dec-02 ! 11.47am]
[ mood | SO early 2001 ]

-Noah is his name.
-Facts that prove Noah is a female:
-Noah is not a website.
-Noah is a gas.
-Yes, Noah is Lutz!
-Noah is now available as a benefit to all current AVMA and SAVMA members.
-Noah is Hoppin Mad!
-Noah is back home.
-Noah is trying to figure things out.
-Noah is part of a massive ongoing and long-term response to that disaster by Lutherans.
-Noah is so great!
-Noah is a special little guy.
-Noah is a type of Adam.
-Adam's twin, Noah, is so sick tonight.
-Noah is unable to answer personal health-related questions.

try not to be part of that

If you're into Homestar Runner... [10-Dec-02 ! 02.03pm]
I recorded my co-worker Carl doing a remarkable unrehearsed Strongbad impression. Check it out:

try not to be part of that

[19-Nov-02 ! 10.59pm]

Plus, bane of the dot-ave bust -- here.Collapse )
try not to be part of that

Moving to Canada, gonna die of old age [31-Oct-02 ! 11.17am]
Low crime rates, universal health coverage, imminent decriminalization of marijuana, and humourous official anti-American protest.

I'm coming soon, sis.
counting the days [1]::try not to be part of that

Only in New South Wales. [26-Oct-02 ! 02.48am]
Hey, how 'bout a nice cup of what-the-fuck?

try not to be part of that

the answer is 2 [14-Oct-02 ! 01.25am]
(01:18:02) FascismMan: yeah. how many tufts students does it take to change a light bulb?
(01:18:15) LimePi: Daddy!!!!!
counting the days [1]::try not to be part of that

Mandrake Linux 9.0, Week Deux [11-Oct-02 ! 01.15am]
[ mood | gammy legged ]

I want to sing some shiny notes for Mozilla 1.1, the browser I'm using under Gnome.

Flexibility is the word. You can disable annoying Javascript tricks like the status bar hide and THE OPENING OF UNREQUESTED WINDOWS. You can set a minimum font. You can navigate multiple pages in one window via tabbed browsing, and you can bookmark a tabbed set. BTW, the preloaded bookmarks are useful, high quality linkage.

My decision to use Linux was politically motivated driven. Now I have a real reason to like it.

ed. 1:26 AM: Hmm, does the Windows version have the same good stuff?

For this entry's subject line, I wanted to grab a certain line from Dr. Strangelove mentioning Group Captain Mandrake. I found this script. Wow, the cast improvised a lot of the screenplay. The finished film is so different and so much sharper than that. Did you know that the friendly invading force's commander is named General Schmuck? Did you realize the nude model from the crewman's magazine is General Turgidson's secretary?

try not to be part of that

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